My all-time fav lines from real, live, authenticated customers:

  1. [Answering the phone] Hello, this is ******* pharmacy, how can I help you? [Customer] Are you guys open? [Duh, if I answer the phone then I'm here and I'm open]
  2. Is my prescription ready? Then I can pick it up? [Ah, but what is the secret password?]
  3. Can I use the restroom back there? [Of course you can--we wish to exceed your expectations after all--and help yourself to some of the samples on the shelf.]
  4. [Banging on the gate, which is closed and locked, and obviously so ... closed] Hey! You guys closed?
  5. Does this come in genetic?
  6. [Plunking the prescription down on the counter, seen for the first time for maybe 2 nanoseconds] How much is this going to cost me? [Well, let me just reach into my memory banks and, oh, here it is, $117.58 minus the -- what insurance?--12.789% discount plus the $3.78 dispensing fee ... but wait, on page 29 of the contract--which I have right in front of me by some weird lucky chance--I have to further discount the price since this is a tier two drug on the formulary, so ... wait, wait ... oh, nevermind.]
  7. I'd like this filled, please. I won't be able to pick it up though for three weeks. Will it be ready? [But of course, madam. We will merely put it in the storeroom for just such purposes as this. Do not worry yourself; we have ample room for keeping prescriptions for three, four, even five weeks--months, even. We are but your most humble servants, madam.]
  8. What do you mean you don't have a year's supply of Sprintec? You mean I have to wait? How long?
  9. It's so nice and sunny outside. You should get out there. [Fantasy moment: shutting the gate in her face and running outside ... before she picks up her prescription.]
  10. Now go on and enjoy you lunch! [Mentioned after she forced me to keep the gate open for ten, fifteen minutes after lunch break so that she could pick up the presciption she should've picked up yesterday.]

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