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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I am...
Captain Relion (as in rely on, get it?), force of good in the pharmacy universe, bringing the strong arm of Regulation and Law to the drug world. Bitten by the pharmacy bug (Arachnida apothicaricus) at the age of seventeen, Cap'n Relion has sacrificed his life and liberty in the face of unspeakable terrors...just to save a few lives. But what can only one lonely man do in the face of a hostile planet filled with egomaniac Doctor Evils and innocent, but unknowing patients (Homo idioticus)? It seems precious little, however the Good Cap'n has special powers which enable him to wipe medical incompetence off the map (or nearly so): Calligraphic vision, the ability to miraculously read any doctor's writing without need to call and verify, saving many precious seconds; Auto-insurance billing know-how, allowing our hero to simply know through his "pharmacy sense" what a person's insurance is...even when that person doesn't know him or her-self! Cap'n Relion also has the advantage of having a database brain giving him quite an advantage over his competition. He can recall at a nano-second all the interactions (how many drugs and herbs a person takes doesn't matter: he knows it all!) and adverse reactions any drug has or might have, individualized for any...individual. He's simply amazing! Why, just the other day a lady came up to his counter complaining about a bill she received from Medicare. Seems Medicare didn't know she had some other secondary coverage (because she didn't tell them?). Well, the Good Cap'n merely used his powers of Auto-insurance billing know-how and set her on her way (though she was still unhappy as she needed to pay the $135 deductible not covered by either plan and her other prescription needed prior authorization...But wait! Cap'n Relion also has Prior Authorization Powers obviating the need to call the doctor who then has to call the insurance company who transfers him to the clinical line who then puts him on hold only to say, Nein! Zis patient ees not to have zee drug!).

This world is not for the feint hearted...but fear not, for at least we have Cap'n Relion to count and stick and pour!

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